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  • #76
    So my father-in-law came within about 10 minutes of dying of 100% blockage on Scott's daughter's birthday this week, was thankfully in an ambulance when he coded (that's the 10 minutes). It also happened to be my own parents' wedding anniversary and only five days after my mother's death anniversary. The man is a walking miracle, 15 year lung cancer survivor and still smoking, also previously a heavy drinker, and he's had plenty of other days to scare people on because 100% blockage piles up over a long period of time, so I'm going to make an observation--

    Talk about a cosmic target. Scott and I have been joking all year about the drastic interruptions that keep happening out of the blue right on top of my own sparse joys and plans, especially since I decided last year to publish. I become directly involved with other people's stuff in an eyeblink almost on a weekly basis, and I started saying not even someone dying was going to stop me getting this book published. We both know the portent of tempting fate, but morbidly placed bets on who would die first, and how. So I apologize in advance to all my friends and loved ones who have general bad days until my book comes out. You might wanna step back from me, or take precautions just in case.

    Now skip to this book I'm writing and why it's so important that some evil cosmos dude would try to put a stop to it. I have survived some pretty bad stuff, not the least of which was Munchausen by proxy. I understand the twisted weirdness of emotional sabotage, neglect, and abandonment because I've lived through it. I've joked in the past that I am the Jack Bauer of depression survival, and if I accomplish nothing else with the rest of my life, I dearly want to share hope and survival methods with others who feel like they're drowning in a sea of sadness and despair. Throw in me being on the autism spectrum and my dad being a Mennonite, along with a few other goodies like lots of sexual repression and bloody death all around me as a child, I hope to rock out a good story.

    I really am writing, and someone dying isn't going to stop me, although dropping everything to race my mother-in-law to the hospital behind the ambulance kinda canceled out a phone call I'd planned to make to my publisher. This has gotten eerily uncanny, and started feeling personal a little over a year ago. It's not a joke any more. I know a few answers to life, the universe, and everything, and I'm not afraid to say it, and it feels like I'm struggling against the cosmic powers to make it happen now. Case in point, Xanga suddenly uprooting and nearly destroying the two main blogs this book is heavily based on, after 9 years of blogging. So many people suffer because I won't relent...

    Yes, I've talked to my psychologist about feeling like a cosmic target. No, he says I'm still not crazy. But he agrees the timing is getting kinda freaky. I'm actually terrified to win a lottery at this point.

    Disclaimer- I'm not really so egocentric that I believe what's in my head creates your reality, but just in case you believe it, utter a prayer of protection and wear clean underwear every day just in case.

    790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
    I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


    • #77
      We celebrate birthday week around here, already been a big deal.

      But I want to say by far the best internet birthday EVER is here on SyfyDesigns looking at my stats. This is your brain on JJ Abrams 6000+ views Star Trek Into Darkness movie review- SPOILERS 2300+ views Coffee Nerd II 1600+ views Coffee Nerd 2300+ views smashing fandoms 2000+ views

      See more Pinky blog posts at

      Pinky Stuff blurbs 7400+ views Watch an Episode of Lexx 4300+ views

      Lexx- The Dark Zone Stories 2000+ views

      I've done my best not to whine about my blog host moving to new servers and shredding my launch timetable, and the best support I've had getting through it has been coming over here and playing around. I can't say enough how much I appreciate myke letting me in here to splat myself all over his website, it really saved my year.

      This one goes out to all my special tweeps, MerLexxians, Snarkalecs, aspies, my watchdogs list, and what the heck Henry Winkler for tweeting with me last month. Everybody go follow Henry Winkler on twitter and tell him Pinky sent you.

      Last edited by Pinky; 10-24-2013, 06:56 AM.
      790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
      I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


      • #78
        I had a fantastically weird and wonderful week rediscovering that I'm a robot (can't believe how many robot references I'm running into in my older sillly survey posts now) and then a cool weekend wrapping it up. I know I got weird all over twitter, but I have to tell you, it was so cool and exciting to be so awake and 'on' after so many years of struggling through brain glitches, really really hoping this was a sign that more healing and recovery is going on.

        The coolest thing that happened was THIS. You can see it on twitter here.

        I know! O_O SEVEN OF NINE!!!! Plus Wil Wheaton being tagged by Bonnie Burton quoting MY tweet? Excuse me while I burble happily around my kitchen again.

        It's the little things, you know? And if that weren't enough, a really nice tweep also tagged Zachary Quinto and Leonard Nimoy to follow me (they didn't, seriously doubt they will) over this one, see the original.

        Other little things happening this last week that, oh, I dunno, sent me floating right out of the galaxy were being contacted about translating my Lexx blog content into Russian and then discovering it had been linked on a Japanese site. I know that because I had to run the ping through a translator. I've always gotten global traffic and I've been translated before, but after shutting it all down for a couple of years, let's just say my projections were a lot lower than what's actually happening in the time frame I scheduled out, in spite of the whole Xanga relaunch mess freaking me out.

        And of course, Cabot ... My favorite cheesemaker popping up for a howdy was so cute.

        I'm not even sad that Tony Solo isn't following me on twitter. Call it a glitch, whatevs (mine does that too, & people get indignant like I did it on purpose), but it's true I got a little stalker-y (I ~love~ him ), and it was FUN! I'm developing a little empathy now for my own stalkers, even though I'm already working on being more tolerant than in years past when I just blocked everyone right and left. I blocked over 5000 people on my old facebook just to see if there was a limit, but seems the only blocking limit on facebook is Mark Zuckerberg. I tried every which way, he's immune.

        And OH YEAH winning the zombie hand (<--pix) from Syfy!

        I think I'm finally coming down from that crazy bizarro week-long sleepless stint, my brain seems to still be really on and intact instead of crashing back down like I assumed it would, and for the first time in years I feel like I'm about getting back to somewhat normal, if I even have a normal any more. I think maybe I went through some kind of weird inner diagnostic and systems check in nerve central or something, or at least crossing my fingers hoping that's what it was, just thrilled I didn't start having seizures because it was truly weird being awake for a WEEK. Gotta use it while I got it, guys, twitter is just a safe place to happy out all over people. I'd make a good dog, following people around and licking their faces.

        Hilary Stagg - Edge of Forever Am loving that article calling him an angle, like people have done me- I like to think that angles are the ones who help the rest to meet and join together, if I may be excused in mathily twisting a visual pun on social interaction. I love finding other angles. We know who we are. This was a random thought and not connected to anything.

        Last edited by Pinky; 11-12-2013, 06:14 AM.
        790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
        I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


        • #79
          Scott wanted a college girl. What he got was a weirdo showing up at his work looking like a drug dealer.

          Scott wanted a nuclear family, what he got was being dragged into fandoms and weird scifi.

          I found out yesterday, after refusing to come anywhere near me on previous Halloweens when I would sport a stroked on mascara beard that looks freakishly real, he saved this next picture from this year's Halloween on his phone after sending all the rest to the cloud. It took twenty years, but I think he's good with it now. He wanted a wife/mother/housekeeper/cook, what he got was a best friend for life.

          *hits me right here*

          790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
          I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


          • #80
            My life abounds with weird synchronicity. I got hit up with a viral hop on today, nearly 70 Arab speaking twitter accounts that piled on following me in about 20 minutes flat, no idea what in the world triggered that one.

            And right in the middle of all that was Tony Solo suddenly following me out of the blue.

            No one else followed me all day long.

            So you all know about SnarkStock by now, right? People who are coming through my Pinky Stuff because they're stalking Janika Banks from the old days (don't roll your eyes, it still happens) might be thrilled (or ticked) that I wound up on another live shoutout during the party that rocked New Jersey almost right off the map. Just for sport, because I like to play with other people's analytix, check it out, right at 13:38 you hear Tony Solo say "Janika Banks" and not long after I pop in. And out. And in and out. My G+ kept kicking me offline, possibly from some big weather going on not too far from my house.

            And in case you didn't quite get enough-

            790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
            I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


            • #81
              Not everyone enjoys or gets dark humor, especially around holidays. Some of us have lived through so much hard stuff that dark humor is how we survive. In a previous blurb from 2 months ago I brought up the precautions people should take befriending me, since the cosmos seems to target me purposely in more and more horrifically ironic ways to keep delaying my publishing date. In that previous blurb I pointed out just how personal it was getting when an extremely near death crisis happened right next door.

              So here's the warning- you step into my life, and even Santa dies before Christmas.

              I *wish* with all my heart that I could never have said that. It's not funny, but it's so funny in a horribly black way that it's the one thing that keeps popping into my mind. I announced on twitter and facebook this evening that burrito's daddy's father passed away of a heart attack going home from a professional gig as Santa Claus. The guy really does look like Santa Claus year round, and he's been doing this for a long time. These things happen.

              But in MY circle, these bizarre happenstances are becoming so weirdly related to key dates and actual circumstances in my own life that it's hard to help feeling like it's personal. I know it's really not. But just in case, I'd like for all of you to eat healthy, take your vitamins and exercise 3 times a week, drink plenty of fluids and get quality restful sleep, and utter or chant prayers of protection on your families and houses.

              I have a bad feeling the next one makes it into the Darwin Awards.

              15 Common Cognitive Distortions, in case you're interested.

              Last edited by Pinky; 12-22-2013, 12:59 AM.
              790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
              I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


              • #82
                I could not get the tree down fast enough this year.

                I've been through some odd and sad Christmases, but this one was just plain disturbing. I mentioned last Saturday that Santa died. We found out he was actually driving himself to the hospital and was only a couple of blocks away when he passed away in traffic. I have no idea if that is what prompted protocol for autopsy, but imagine having to leave your kids behind and fly to another state over Christmas and not only make arrangements for your parent who played Santa Claus professionally, but deal with that kind of extra paperwork when Santa is having an autopsy for Christmas. I know, right? You'd probably drink yourself silly all alone every night in another city. And how dismal Christmas is for those left behind because the family is split up, and then arranging more flights right after holidays, omg the stress alone, never mind the added bonus of traveling with a tiny child and what one might come back to at work after all that. The hardest part I'm going through is watching other people hurt and going through all that stress. Well, hours and hours of babysitting all week is taking a toll, but that's a breeze by sheer comparison.

                There is a viral tweet flying around twitter that suicide rates spiking during holidays is a myth. You know what? That doesn't matter. Because suicides are still suicides whether they spike or not. Self harm and drug overdosing and alcohol poisoning and consequential traffic accidents are still happening whether it's a myth or not. People are still out there disappearing into the shadows. Bad and sad things happen every day, they don't take breaks for holidays, and it's real easy to slip out of the light and fall by the wayside while everyone's attention is on something else. Some people don't recover from the stunning blows that life deals out, especially if the timing *really* sux. Maybe a suicide doesn't happen on a holiday, but maybe the road to one starts on a holiday. And suicide might not be quick. It might take years of self destruction and no one calls it suicide then, even though that's what it ultimately is in extremely slow motion.

                There is a lot of focus around this time of year on family, friends, and loved ones gathered together. If you are feeling left out and lost, scared and alone, and you're not sure what to do or who to talk to, please click Lifeline, veterans crisis line, or international suicide hotlines. I also find that tweeting and blogging help a lot. Find people to hang out with somewhere to help keep you looking forward, to keep you busy being busy. I've been through a whole lotta stuff, most of it alone, but the world is changing and we don't have to be alone any more.

                790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
                I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


                • #83

                  A challenge has gone out, and I will be among the round table discussion this evening attempting to convince Dylan Lange of the radio show Dylan Knows why he should at least try watching some Doctor Who. He claims to never have seen even one episode, which is a pretty big claim since he's an aficionado of comics, scifi, and zombies in the entertainment industry.

                  I myself resisted all things Who until Eleven showed up in 2010. I had never seen one episode excepting as very brief glimpses in ad breaks during other shows. I knew immediately I'd never care for Daleks, and after all the scifi I've seen, it looked kind of ridiculous, like a step backward into shows that had retro space aliens. As the big budget movie series like Star Trek and Star Wars refined their mythologies and CGI, Doctor Who seemed more klunky and hands on, low budget, so I never gave it a glance. It reminded me of 1970's Saturday morning shows.

                  Wow, was I wrong.

                  April of 2010 was a bit of an asthma nightmare, and I wound up being zapped out on all kinds of meds on my couch when The Eleventh Hour came on my TV. It couldn't have been more perfect, because the first character I saw besides the newly regenerated Doctor was a little red headed girl. Since I come from a family of redheads (not sure how I missed being ginger myself), I was instantly amused at the funny awkward no-idea-what's-going-on see-saw dialogue happening around this little girl, and by the time the Doctor returned for her I was completely hooked. She was exactly what I always wanted to see in a human/alien relationship, so despite the bizarre aliens and hideous noises, I made it through the entire episode and set my timer to catch the rest of the season. When season break rolled around, I set the timer to catch all the reruns from the previous Doctor incarnations, starting at 2005, and learned why the world fell in love with Rose and Captain Jack. But the companions that really sealed the fandom feels down with a nail gun and super glue and duct tape were Donna Noble and her grampa.

                  I'm NOT a chick flick person. At all. I avoid feely chick shows like the plague. So why does Doctor Who suck me into that vortex with the TARDIS and wreck me into a mess the rest of the day? Because it's every day real stuff, all the things you wish you could really talk about with the real people who are supposed to love you unconditionally WHILE you are racing the clock to stop nasty evil aliens from killing everybody in London or wherever. Everybody wants to be swept off their feet into a really honest relationship that brings them to the brink of forever and forces them to become Someone Really Cool. And that's what the Doctor does for his companions. And they stand right up to his face and shove him right back. There's no head game playing in Doctor Who. If someone is coming back through space and time for you, you KNOW you're special and loved.

                  I daresay a whole bunch of us never felt that as children or significant others. And even if some of you did, you still *get it* about the Doctor. He is everything to everybody. Even Rory. I'll refrain from catapulting off into a Rory love fest, because he rocked companion coolness.

                  And the puns are cool, and the super twisted convoluted timelines are cool, and the time charts that people make trying to keep up with all this timey-wimey maze stuff are cool. The coolest part to me, though, will always be the companions. I love all the different things the companions bring to the TARDIS and pull out of the Doctor.

                  If you've never seen some of the charts, here are my favorites.

                  The Timeline of River Song Pop it into its own window and then you can magnify it.

                  Time & Space Visualizer This is one of many that help you wrap your head around it all.

                  A Detailed Chart of River Song & the Doctor's Time-crossed Relationship

                  Doctor Who Series 1-6 Timeline I love the genius of this one.

                  Doctor Who: 50 years of time travel in the TARDIS Give this one time to load, and it's browser-picky, so check the browser tips across the top of that graphic. They took complex and make it easier to see with an interactive element, so hover your mouse over the time streams and click to get more info on each one.

                  My very favorite Doctor Who episode is The Doctor's Wife because we finally get to really meet the TARDIS and get her point of view on the Doctor.

                  After Dylan's show is uploaded onto youtube I will include it here. I have no idea yet what's going to happen, but I'm betting we'll have a lot of fun. If you happen to see this before we go live at 9 pm Eastern tonight Dec 28th and want to watch, check my twitter at PinkyGuerrero for the live link around that time.
                  790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
                  I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


                  • #84
                    I stopped posting here! What happened? Not to worry, my Xanga blogs are coming back up, huzzah!!! I have taken my daily blurbing back to a real blog now, and you can keep following what I'm doing there. This was today's post.

                    I'm being a bad robot skipping my daily planning strategies. That's a good way to get scattered. I did remember to check my fasting glucose this morning, got 91, yay! Supposed to be doing that once a week. Missed getting a birthday card out to a niece BOOOOOOO!

                    Right now is heavy snow showers and bitterly cold again from winter storm Nika. Catching up laundry and constructing a yummy pot pie. Haven't made any plans beyond that and it's already noon, but I've been very aspie super focused on slinging a couple of Lexx posts this week, and have plans for a Valentine pie post for yablo and hopefully a Valentine survey for bluejacky. I also put a Valentine post on my shop blog. Can you tell Valentine's Day is my second fave holiday? Click image for larger version

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                    This was my twittascope today. These things amuse me to no end. I'm all alone for hours and hours in the quiet snowy woods, the only noise right now is a woodpecker on the house, I just had hot chocolate, and my brain is scattering in all directions now. I'm so spaced I'm not sure I could have an emotion for awhile. I love days like this.

                    I was listening to this earlier.

                    790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
                    I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


                    • #85
                      Nice for you that your old blog came to it's seances and let you back in, but I still think we are just as "real" here at


                      • #86
                        Oh, I'm not leaving.
                        790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
                        I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


                        • #87
                          This speaks for itself.

                          Remember the cosmic pressure I'm under? I said if even if people DIE I'm going to get this stuff written. So yesterday, on the very emotional ten year anniversary of the death of a child in my family, I officially went back on cancer watch and youngest daughter got official notice that her entire department is closing in her health system and she has three weeks to get another job, and this on top of her regular daycare closing this week so she's also looking for new daycare, and that on top of moving back to her apartment over the weekend because it's not working out with burrito's daddy, and her lease is up in two months, so we might be getting a burrito moving in here right about the time we go on vacation. I'm not allowing anyone to say *if* there is a vacation, because I wanna see zurrito's first birthday.

                          I defy anyone to tell me I can't do this. I wrote like a bat outa hell yesterday. IT'S ON. And it may be a double. My first contract is for two books. If I'm going to shred decency and tell secrets, I may as well rip the skies open.

                          Interruptions, pshaw. Ok, I take that back, don't want to jinx myself. Statistically, just because I've already rolled a car once in my life doesn't mean it can't happen again.

                          But the fires are stoked, blades are fanning the flames, I eat sleep and breathe this now or it's never going to happen.


                          Last edited by Pinky; 02-25-2014, 07:05 AM.
                          790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
                          I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


                          • #88
                            Joke's on me. Scott boss announced today in a meeting that he's selling the company, sweeping changes are imminent. Scott is already talking about taking work on an oil rig and passing a test where a helicopter flies upside down and crashes into the water and everyone on it is timed how long it takes to get out of their harnesses and escape before they drown. Really hope it doesn't come to that...

                            My cosmic target point keeps being driven home. All this happening *right now* is almost too bizarre to wrap my head around. The timing is impeccable.

                            790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
                            I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.


                            • #89
                              Good luck Hun, let me know if I can do anything.


                              • #90
                                Thanx just rolling with it. Worse comes to worse I'll wind up in Houston with my daughter, but we're not there yet.
                                790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
                                I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.