I'm back!

Now, that declaration may come as a shock to some. You may be thinking to yourself, "Did you go somewhere?" Well, last year, I twice went to the UK, once in March and once during the last week of November. But, physically and geographically, I've been back home for a while. When I say that I'm back, that doesn't mean that I was physically absent. Instead, as 2018 came to an end and 2019 began, I was mentally exhausted.

2018 was not an easy year for me. My mom passed away in 2008. Every day, in 2018, I woke up with knowledge that it was the 10-year anniversary of a painful memory. This was something that, outside of my immediate support system, I kept to myself. I didn't want to have to deal with people telling me that they were sorry or that they understood, even though I knew that their concern and sympathy would be sincere. I just wanted to deal with my feelings in my own way. I knew that if I did tell anyone how I was feeling, they would worry and then I'd feel some sort of obligation to force myself to be happy just to lift the burden off of them. So, I spent most of 2018 keeping my pain to myself.

I threw myself into every distraction I could find. I threw myself into work. I threw myself into play. I went on multiple vacations. I kept running because I knew that, if I slowed down, I'd probably collapse. For 11 months, I did this. Finally, in December, both my brain and my body rebelled. They got together and they said no more. They said that I had to start taking better care of myself and that they were willing to shut down to make sure I got their point.

So, I spent the last week of December and the first week of January in something of a daze. I tried to write but my mind was too exhausted. Whenever I tried to stay up too late, my body rebelled and I would find myself actually dozing off. At first, I tried to resist my body's demand that I rest but finally, I gave in.

And it was only when I started to rest that I realized just how exhausted I was.

Well, everyone, I've gotten my rest and now, I'm once again ready to go out and keep dancing while the world spins around me. Fear not, though, I've learned my lesson. I'll be taking better care of myself during this new year. That was one of my resolutions, after all. I know that some people regularly make and break resolutions. Not me. To me, a New Year's resolution is a binding contract.

It's 2019 and I'm back!

Finally.