Ever since I first saw a film called Jersey Shore Shark Attack in 2012, I have loved SyFy original films. For two years, I would make it a point to always be on twitter on Saturday night so that I could live tweet whatever movie was appearing on SyFy and, as a result, I've made some great friends while watching and enjoying movies with titles like Stonados and Independence Daysaster. Below, you'll find my personal top ten list of my favorite SyFy films. Fortunately, SyFy rebroadcasts most of these films on a fairly regular basis so if you missed one or two of the films on this list, keep an eye out because you'll definitely get another chance!
10) Two-Headed Shark Attack (2012) -- The charm of this film is to be found in the title. It promises a two-headed shark attack and that is exactly what it delivers. It's hard not to respect a film this honest. As far as the film's plot goes, it involves Charlie O'Connell and Carmen Electra teaching a semester at sea college course that goes terribly wrong when all of the students end up getting eaten by a two-headed shark. Gerald Webb, who is basically the patron saint of SyFy films, shows up and gets eaten. (For a guy who, in real life, is pretty nice and decent, Gerald always seems to be dying on screen.) Eventually, the students find themselves trapped on an island while the boat starts to sink. Fortunately, Brooke Hogan is in their class and she somehow knows how to weld under water. But really, the only thing that matters is that the movie promises a two-headed shark and it delivers. (Well, that and Charlie O'Connell has a scene where he runs on a sprained ankle while going, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow....")
9) 12 Disasters of Christmas (2012) -- It's Christmas time and guess what? The Mayans were right! The world is ending and only teenager Jacey can save the world. However, whenever Jacey has to use her powers to keep the world from ending, she ends up getting terrible cramps, which is the same excuse that I used to use to get out of going to P.E. in high school. So, this film gets points for having a protagonist that I could relate to and for making good use of the Christmas setting. This film is directed by Steven R. Monroe, who also directed another film on this list.
8) Haunted High (2012) -- This is probably one of the most underrated films to ever premiere on SyFy. A group of private school students, teachers, and one librarian find themselves trapped inside Hollomon Academy. It turns out that Hollomon's former headmaster (played by the wonderfully sinister M.C. Gainey) was a Satanist and now his spirit is determined to kill them all. Fortunately, the school's janitor is not only a supernatural defender of all that is good and right but he's played by Danny Trejo as well! With its supernatural storyline, Haunted High is not a typical SyFy film but it is a lot of fun, full of memorable death scenes, over-the-top dialogue, and Danny Trejo! (Plus, one of the students is played by Marc Donato of Degrassi fame and, if you know me, you know that I love anything with a Degrassi connection.)
7) Ghost Shark (2013) -- Rednecks kill a great white and its ghost takes revenge by eating the population of a small town. All the ghost shark needs is for you to be wet or near water and you're doomed. As you can probably guess, this leads to a lot of swimming pool and fire hydrant-related mayhem and then, once the rain starts to fall, everyone is pretty much screwed. (As you might guess, the whole correlation between being wet and being doomed led to a lot of comments on twitter that can't necessarily be repeated for risk of corrupting virgin ears.) Ghost Shark is the epitome of a SyFy film with an absured premise that is saved and even enhanced by a fast-paced and assured execution. When you see a title like Ghost Shark, you have every right a certain level of quality from the film you're about to watch and this movie more than delivers on that promise.
6) Flying Monkeys (2013) -- This film makes the list because it features one of my favorite SyFy creatures. Skippy the Monkey is a graduation present that, when the sun goes down, turns into a flying demon. Shooting Skippy just causes him to clone himself, until pretty soon the entire town is crawling with dozens of Killer Skippys. Seriously, if you don't love the Skippy-related drama of Flying Monkeys, then there is no hope for you.
5) Arachnoquake (2012) -- "And that's how you make Jambalaya!" With those words, Edward Furlong beats to death a fire-breathing albino spider that has crawled out of the primordial hell that lies beneath New Orleans. It's also with those words that Arachnoquake takes it place as the best of the SyFy killer spider films. As should be obvious from the Louisiana setting and the film's cast of flamboyant characters, Arachnoquake, like Ghost Shark, was directed by the great Griff Furst. Griff Furst is a director who has always been able to strike a poper balance between thrills and laughs and that's one reason why Arachnoquake is so enjoyable.
4) Zombie Night (2013) -- From horror director John Gulager comes this shockingly nihilistic zombie film. While the film's plot may be familiar -- the dead come to life and two families have to survive the night -- Zombie Night is distinguished by the fact that Gulager and screenwriters Keith Allan and Delondra Williams are willing to kill off just about anyone. The end result is a film that's a hundred times darker than your average SyFy film but which is also an undeniably effective portrait of the zombie apocalypse. (If nothing else, this movie is a hell of a lot scarier than World War Z.)
3) Big Ass Spider (2013)-- Big Ass Spider would be even higher up on the list except for the fact that it's not technically a SyFy film. Instead, it played in theaters (and got some very good reviews) before it eventually showed up on SyFy. But no matter! Big Ass Spider is the epitome of everything that I love about SyFy -- director Mike Mendez keeps the action moving quickly, the monster (which is one big ass spider, by the way) is both ludicrous and scary, and the film features an excellent lead performance from the great Greg Grunberg! Hopefully, some day soon, we'll get to see the further adventures of Alex and Jose.
2) Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) -- OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS MOVIE! How could I not? First off, Joey Fatone shows up playing himself and promptly gets eaten by a shark! Secondly, the heroes of the film are all rather obviously based on the cast of Jersey Shore. When Nooki finds herself stranded at sea and surrounded by hungry sharks, it's up to The Complication, Paulie Balzac, Donni, J-Moni, and BJ to save her! Fortunately, Tony Siricio is there to give everyone advice. This is the best of all the SyFy shark films, a loving satire that also features plenty of sharp-toothed mayhem. And did I mention that Joey Fatone gets eaten by a shark? Because he so does!
And finally, my favorite SyFy film of all time:
1) End of the World (2013) -- The world's ending and only Greg Grunberg can save the day. That plot description alone should tell you why I love End of the World. However, beyond featuring the always wonderful Mr. Grunberg, the entire film is full of clever references and homages to other science fiction films, making End of the World into a wonderful Valentine for all SyFy movie fans. (Incidentally, End of the World was directed by Steven R. Monroe, the man who previously directed another vision of the SyFy apocalypse with the 12 Disasters of Christmas.)
Sadly, SyFy seems to be moving away from the production of original movies. Earlier this year, they showed Bemuda Tentacles and, at the end of July, they'll be showing Sharknado 2. But, otherwise, the SyFy original film is growing quite rare.
And that's sad news.
But, at least we'll always have the memories, the reruns, and the tweets.