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A House Is Not A Home (2015)

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  • A House Is Not A Home (2015)



    Gerald Webb
    inspired me to get into Amazon reviews, so I did my first movie review there with A House Is Not A Home. It's not very long and feels a bit tentative, so I'm going to add more to it here at SyfyDesigns.



    Before I do that, I want to share Lisa Marie Bowman's review on Horror Critic (which also resides at unobtainium.com), because she is incredibly knowledgeable about horror films. Also like A House Is Not A Home on Facebook, and you can see more real time happenings on this twitter stream. Yes, I'm obviously late to the game, but I'm going to tell you how to get and see this movie, yay!


    I missed live tweeting A House Is Not A Home a couple of times with the #Snarkalecs, some of whom are also part of @latemoviegang here at SyfyDesigns (also Amazon reviewed by Kurt Zellner who is @KurtZellner on twitter, and Melissa Eilers, who is @PirateMel on twitter), and I've heard it's really good, so I decided to find it for a Halloween watch. Well, guess what- it's not in Walmart. Not a problem, because guess what- I very easily rented it on YouTube, which is my fave media player host. You can also order it from Amazon, stream it on Google Play, and if you put "DEINSTITUTIONALIZED House is Not A Home [DVD]" into your shopping bar on Chrome, you will also get a location list for where to find it in your area. For instance, I just discovered I can get it from Best Buy, from Sears a dollar cheaper than I can from Amazon, and used prices on familyvideo.com rival some of the used prices on Amazon.


    Thank goodness for internet! I miss the days when I could walk into any video store and just pick up what I want, but there you go.


    I think I'll bullet point my impressions, because I really was impressed. I've been watching horror films clear back to the Sam Raimi days (Skinner is a fave) and watched the horror industry pop when Groovy Bruce (Bruce Campbell) showed up. I'm not so much into the intensity yanking, like Saw (loved the Key & Peele parody!!!), although I do love a lot of the really older stuff and all the take offs they inspired.


    But back to A House Is Not A Home. (This is why I can't be a real movie reviewer, I wander into other movies con-stant-ly.) By the way, opening credits, I wanna know if the motif and scroll work on the door is actually significant in a symbolic way, I couldn't tell. Also, I try not to be too spoilery, but there might be a couple in here, and of course we must ask the question- Does Gerald Webb die in this one???


    My very first impression was how cool was it to see an ending at the beginning. The scary stuff is already done, and obviously it's time for credits to roll, sweet.


    Cut to beautiful, serene, and Bill Cobbs (I love Bill Cobbs). And some hint dropping. Maybe. Hmm, file that line for later, never leave... We're about to raise house hunting and the realty business to a whole new level of what the hell. Maybe. I can't tell yet. Bill Cobbs is so sweet you wanna just hug the guy. Will you two quit fussing and just buy the house already.


    I. Love. This. House. I want a house like this. Ok, THAT'S a creepy table...


    Ah, the kids. I like that they're so normal. Movies really overdo presenting teen personalities. These kids were bland enough to actually be real.


    Loving that the dialog doesn't go on and on, no one is explaining anything to each other, and then I realize they're setting ME up to be confoozed... hm. I'll have to be on my toes.


    Ah-HA! I knew it! Which came first, the booze or the affair, and dayam if we ain't never gonna find out. Who is really the guilty one here?


    Those dollzzzzzz. Does no one think to move them out to a garage or something?


    Loving the time leaps, like no one spends time on the piano incident, it's just assumed and dropped and we don't have to get dragged through the angst in this character vs the anger in that one. The misinterpretation is clearly understood. Good film story, let the viewers use their own brains.


    Wait, is this a foreshadow or already happening? Is one of them already in the other realm or something? The dad is really off and the time jags are like dreams or something.


    Niiiiiiice, the architect and the table, niiiiiice. Love that realization and we still aren't being explained to, very quick and moving on.


    Ok, the kids know something's up, Mom is probably still too drinky to figure stuff out yet because she's feeling too upset with Dad and circumstances to get past the bottle, Dad is hiding more and more stuff, and now we're almost leveling out into this boring predictable WTF JUST HAPPENED.


    Eddie Steeples in those contacts, in that suit, I'm dying. He looks like a mini Snoop Dogg. Is this defusing the moment on purpose?


    Convoluted is good, yes. This is reminding me of other shows that had spacetime curves and layers, and now we find out why they needed an architect (chills, guys, *chills*) and NOW Dad is on board getting proactive and I'm suspicious it's already post-active. What perspective are we seeing from??? Is it still possible to escape, or is this them not knowing it's already too late? I can't telllllll.


    I actually yelled ESCHER and pointed at the video. I was the only one watching it.


    Really. You told her to just run out a door. Sir, did you architect that door? Do you KNOW where that door leads?


    And then the end replays, omg, *boom*. THAT is what happened the first time around, and this time the architect made it worse. No one leaves.


    Oh, that faisty Bill Cobbs. I am never ever going house hunting again. Ever.


    Ever.


    If I'm alone watching something and yelling at it instead of playing on my phone, it's good stuff. GO WATCH IT. Refer to the links above for acquisition. You're welcome.

    790: You're wasting your energy attempting to force my cooperation.
    I have no sense of self-preservation and I can always be reassembled.
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